Somatic sexologist sessions

Wisdom through Pleasure - Jacques Marais - Somatic Sexologist - Sessions

What happens in a somatic sexologist session?

Somatic literally means “relating to the body”. A somatic session would include focusing on the body, breathing, education, compassionate listening and touch. Many of these exercises delve deep into our inner selves and can have a strong effect, so moving slowly with enough time for integration afterwards is vital.

Touch is wonderful somatic way to learn about your own body, but not necessary. If bodily touch is chosen within a session, there is a Code of Conduct I adhere to where touch is one-way with gloves and I remain clothed.

Reasons for booking a somatic session

Our sexuality and pleasure are core to our happiness and well-being as humans.

Feeling our body's wisdom

As a somatic sexologist, I can help you feel into your body more and learn to listen to the wisdom it teaches. We often view the body as merely a functional vessel that carries our minds and then we forget to feel and listen to the sensations it communicates to us. We then follow repeated patterns to manage our bodies, but cannot understand why we keep feeling discomfort and pain. We numb our pain through medicine and ignoring our bodies’ sensations, but then also lose our ability to feel more pleasure.

The body speaks to us all the time about what it needs. It has an intrinsic wisdom of its own where memories and emotions are held. In order to access this wisdom, we have to work with the body, not against it. Hence the name somatic. 

…becoming open to out body’s states–the feelings in our heart, the sensations in our belly, the rhythm of our breathing–is a powerful source of knowledge” – Daniel Siegel author of “Mindsight

Wisdom healing Body Embodiment

Patterns of behaviour

We easily fall into patterns of behaviour in all areas of our lives, but it starts with our sexuality. We might always masturbate in the same way, watch too much pornography, have the same pattern during sexual encounters, etc. Our bodies learn to behave the same way when we repeat the same task. These patterns become so ingrained in our bodies that we even start identifying ourselves with them. Have you ever heard someone say, ”I’m just like that”? A common way to identify with a pattern of behaviour. We can only change our patterns  if we change our habits and we can only change our body’s behaviour through mindful somatic practice.


Knowing what you want

Have you ever felt that you struggle to know and express what you want sexually? We all have desires in some form, but often feel disconnected from them. Through somatic practice and guidance, I can help you learn to feel into your body, access your true desires and express them in an empowered manner.

Tension in the body

Our stressful lifestyles lead to tensions in our bodies, most often felt in our pelvis, back and shoulders. These tensions often keep us from being able to relax fully and lead to a lot of sexual and health problems. Massages temporarily relieve these tensions, but do not treat the root cause–most often the reaction of our nervous system. By learning to notice inside our body when the tension occurs, we can learn to be more relaxed and healthier in our lives. There are various ways to relax, but they are different for many people, so we need to learn to listen to our individual body’s wisdom.

Feeling pleasure

Experiencing pleasure is the celebration of what it means to be human. In a results-based society we so often neglect or reject our pleasure in service to another goal (like performing well at a job). Our bodies then adapt and we find we can no longer feel pleasure when we want to and might even experience numbness or pain. Our bodies are however wise and can always adapt again. 

We can learn to feel more pleasure by using the very same adaption of the body through somatic exercises. Learning to accept pleasure and the focus on sensations are some of the techniques you could learn at a sexological bodywork session.



Nobody gives another person an orgasm, they merely facilitate the route to orgasm that the person has developed themselves. Learning to orgasm, or get bigger orgasm, is about self practice and awareness, not finding someone who can “give” it to us.

Many people struggle to orgasm or would like to experience larger or longer orgasms. Although seeking an orgasm explicitly can often have its own issues, there are ways we can work with the body to be more orgasmic. Becoming more orgasmic is very complex and first requires a personal understanding of yourself, your pleasure and current sexuality. Understanding the processes, anatomy, exercises, breathing, neuroscience and emotions all help to create a path towards more orgasms.

As a multi-orgasmic and psycholagnic (the ability to orgasm through thought alone) man I understand the orgasm process fairly well based on my own experience. I can help you access new routes towards orgasm within your body through education, body awareness and practice.

Understanding our sexual selves

Understanding our own sexuality is vital to learning the wisdom our bodies have to teach us. The more we focus on sensations of numbness, pain and pleasure, the more we can learn about ourselves. When learn about ourselves, we then also learn to make better decisions in other aspects parts of our lives. 

To understand our sexuality, we first need to learn about our anatomy, sensations, bodily responses, desires, arousal, nervous systems, current problems, emotions and the effects of lifestyle on our pleasure. Most of this somatic learning can only be taught by our own bodies. We could then use this wisdom to bring about change in our daily lives.

Feeling free wellbeing sensual exercise

Sexual exploration

Do you feel limited by your current sexual encounters? There are always new ways of exploring sexual pleasure, such as erogenous zones, anal pleasure and various types of touch. Just changing the way we breath and think about sex can lead to massive changes in the way we experience pleasure. There are also ways to expand our spirituality or to experience altered states of consciousness by using sexual energy. 

Maybe you wish to explore the world of BDSM and do not know where to start? Perhaps you would like to explore your dominant or submissive side? Or maybe learn how to enjoy pain as part sexual encounters? We could also explore how to use toys to spice up your sex life!

I have many years of experience in many types of sexual experiences and can help you discover new ways of being sexual within a consensual and mindful framework.

Physical problems

Scars and physical problems in our body can severely and negatively affect our sex lives. Most medical treatments however only focus on removing pain and seldom help us to experience more pleasure.

Through various scar tissue palpation techniques, more sensation could return to increase our pleasure. This process can be immensely healing by paying attention to sensations and releasing emotions.

Sexual pain and frustration
Sexual freedom, sexual well-being, somatic sexologist

Confidence, empowerment, trust and spontaneity

When we learn that we are able to deal with our sexual selves in a non-judgemental and accepting manner, we also become more confident and empowered with our lives as a whole. Our body’s wisdom expresses itself in all walks of life. Through somatic practise, we can learn to be more spontaneous as we trust the messages our bodies are communicating. We often think of ourselves as unworthy, guilty, problematic or just too different to fit in. 

By being with our bodies as they are, we also learn to love our bodies and ourselves as we are.



Many trans, gender queer and gender non-conforming people find it difficult to find any help with their sexual issues and pleasure. I am bisexual and live a polyamorous lifestyle, so understand many of the problems we face regarding gender in our society.

A sexological bodywork session is fully accepting of all forms of sexualities, sexual expressions and body types. It is especially difficult to find someone to discuss various experiences of pleasure and the means toward it. I can also help with exploring pathways to pleasure after gender reassignment surgery or hormonal treatment.