As part of orgasmic coaching, breathing exercises are thought to help people become more orgasmic. This technique is called Orgasmic Breathing. The article below describes the outline of the technique.
The breathing exercises are split into four steps, each building on the other, to help you to become more orgasmic. You can decide how far you wish to go, but each step requires more time and dedication as they progress. I’d recommend the first two steps as part of daily practice whereas the later steps are considered more advanced.
- Identifying the orgasmic muscles and feeling into our orgasm
- Breathing exercises to become more orgasmic
- Generating orgasmic sexual sensations in pelvic region to help bigger orgasms, become multi-orgasmic and have other types of orgasms
- Moving the orgasmic sensation in the body and having orgasm with the mind only
Most of us have formed such a strong bond between genital stimulation and our orgasms that we assume the two are inseparable. We then became dependent on masturbation, other people and fantasy to experience orgasm. In truth, nobody gives another person an orgasm, they only facilitate the indirect routes towards orgasm the person has created themselves.
Statistics show that it is more common for people with vulvas to struggle with orgasm, but I actually believe it is just as common amongst people with penises. Most people are not aware of the difference between ejaculation and orgasm and therefore they believe they are having an orgasm. Ejaculation on its own feels good enough, so its easily confused. It is rare to see someone with a penis scream, shake or writhe in orgasmic bliss. If pornography was an indicator, then I would have guessed people with penises hardly ever orgasm!
Many children orgasm without stimulation, but then during puberty (our critical development time) we are raised in shame that separates us from our orgasm. A special few survive this and are extremely orgasmic. Most of us however forget how to orgasm or never learnt. Our bodies adapted by linking genital stimulation, partner connection, role play and fantasy in order to orgasm leaving us believing that orgasm is an elusive mystery that happens without our conscious participation.
Orgasm has also become a sort of currency we trade in relationships. Many people will ask that they are also “given” an orgasm during sexual interactions or others seek out partners desperately to achieve orgasm. Many people feel immensely unsatisfied when they cannot find someone to “give” them an orgasm and then revert to desperate, often non-consensual measures to get it. Being in touch with our orgasm can help us feel more at ease with our own sexuality.
The exercises described below explore the direct route to orgasm by using breath, muscle contraction and mind focusing to generate and move orgasmic sensations in the body. The direct route is a connection between your mind and your orgasm free from any outside stimulus or arousal.
Step 1: Identifying the muscles
|Exercise: Find and tighten the orgasmic muscles and notice what they feel like, especially during orgasm|
Warning: Do not however exercise these muscles if you have chronic tightness in the pelvic region.
Being aware of the muscles that contract during orgasm helps us be more in touch with our orgasmic pleasure and become sexually embodied.
The bulbospongiosus muscles contract automatically during orgasm with a pumping motion. These muscles are semi-autonomous, so you can also clench them with your mind. They form the bottom of the perineum for all people.
These muscles may be fairly weak and difficult to identify, so don’t be dismayed if you cannot isolate them initially.
For people with penises, they wrap around the bottom of the base of penis and urethra. You can find them by pressing a finger into the little cavity in front of the anus (called the “million dollar spot”). You can feel them pulsing during ejaculation as they literally help pump the semen out.
For people with vulvas, the bulbospongiosus muscles spread across the front around the vaginal opening over the vestibular bulbs and join at the top above the clitoris. You find them by putting two fingers over the vaginal opening with fingertips on the perineum. Try to push back on the fingers, but it could actually feel like pulling upward. For some, they are identified as the muscles used to make the outer labia lips move. For others it feels like it closes the front of the vagina. You could include the PC muscles in this exercise, which close the vagina deeper inside, but try to distinguish between the deeper and more shallow clenching.
These muscles pulsate during orgasm, so if we then learn to pulsate them consciously, we are prompting the nervous system to have an orgasm. We are therefore exercising the parts of our nervous system that facilitate orgasm. Many people who struggle to orgasm tighten these muscles at peak arousal and hence block the final step of sensation. Notice how we need to allow these muscle to pulsate, meaning tighten and relax. If we therefore practice these muscles, then the body should also learn to relax them and allow orgasm. This is the “letting go” that so many people talk about.
We are going to learn to tighten these muscles in isolation. It can take a while to tighten the muscles without tightening the rest of the pelvic floor. Most of us pull the PC muscles, anal sphincter and all other muscles together at once. So, try finding them first and then tightening them in isolation. It does not matter if you combine them with the PC muscles, but try to at least separate them from the outer anal sphincter muscles. Try to spend time exercising them in the same way you would exercise your PC muscles (called kegel exercises). The point is to feel them, identify them, and feel into the sensations generated when tightening them with your mind. It takes practice, so be patient.
Try to notice how these muscles feel during orgasm. Also try to feel where you feel your orgasm. If you don’t orgasm, try to notice which muscles are tight when you’re aroused. Just noticing these already will bring you closer to understanding and being with your orgasm.
Step 2: Orgasmic Yoga Breathing exercises
|Exercise: Tighten the orgasmic muscles while breathing out during belly breathing. Focus on the muscles and try to mimic orgasm. Start slow and focus on the bulbospongiosus muscles.|
I suggest doing this exercise for about 10 to 20 minutes twice daily. Start with shorter breaths (1 second) and move onto much slower breaths (20 seconds).
Most recommended breathing exercise combine tightening muscles on the in breath. This is a good way expand new pathways into dormant areas of our nervous system. This is called expansive breathing. The Taoist Big Draw (as explained by Mantak Chia) and Wim Hof breathing are powerful examples of expansive breathing. Heart openers, anal breathing and step-wise breathing are other examples. Lots of expansive breathing is required to open pathways for bigger orgasms, but they seem to bypass our brain with non-specific uncontrollable experiences and are popular for people who spend a lot of time in their minds. Expansive breathing is also often used as a relaxation technique.
We are however now going to switch it around by tightening the muscles while breathing out and relax while breathing in. This is called specific breathing. This helps us to focus on the muscle tension and build up orgasmic sensations in a specific area. Clenching muscles on the breath out engages our mind and helps us focus on sensations in specific areas. Orgasms are like the nervous system in overdrive in a specific area, so we’re trying to build a strong link between our focused mind and our orgasm.
A good way to imagine this is the way we already orgasm. Most people tighten their muscles and moan while breathing out when they orgasm. Many hold their breath during orgasm which can enhance sensitivity to sensations and freezes the orgasm in place. If you breathe out slower during orgasm, then you might find the orgasm lasts longer. Most of us are usually too pre-occupied with the orgasm itself to notice our breath pattern. I invite to notice your breath, muscles and sounds the next time you orgasm. Repeat everything you would physically do when you orgasm (groan, move etc), but include it with a tightening of the bulbospongiosus muscles and the breathing.
The breathing can start out slowly, but become faster over time. For people with penises keep the out breath slow throughout as faster breaths could lead to early ejaculation. Push your belly out as you breathe in and tighten the bulbospongiosus muscles on the breath out. Relax all muscles on the breath in except those used for the belly breathing. You could even hold your breath a bit at the bottom while clenching. Try to keep all upper body muscles relaxed throughout, but do not worry too much if you clench other pelvic muscles. You may want to move your hips, twist your spine, shake your legs, groan, bob your head, open your or close your mouth, but just follow the action which you would normally follow while orgasming.
The most important aspect here is conscious focus on your pelvic muscles. The more specific the better. Focus on the tightened muscles when you breathe out. Find the physical area of your orgasm. The sensations of the various muscles tightening will guide you. Your mind may wander. Do not worry and try to bring your focus back to the pelvic muscles. Forget about what you remember from the previous breath, but focus on the sensation here and now. Try not to expect anything, but simply allow the sensations to flow towards the tightened muscles.
This exercise helps to achieve or enhance vaginal, anal, prostate orgasms and helps people who struggled to orgasm before. Do the same exercise while you are masturbating, being stimulated, during sex, penetration or any other sexual interaction and notice the difference. Breathing this way during masturbation is a great way to pay attention to the sensations without the distraction of a partner. During penetration, do not clench the muscles too long, but rather keep them pulsating.
I would also suggest a lot of expansive breathing outside of the specific breathing to open new pathways, but come back to specific breathing for orgasms.
Many people become massively orgasmic from these exercises alone. Personally, I believe it is key to prostate orgasms that seem so elusive to many. The muscle contractions also help to engorge the prostate from the inside. If combined with anal penetration, then it also helps to be able to relax the anal sphincter at the same time.
Becoming even more orgasmic
Step 3: Generating orgasmic sensations
|Exercise: Increase the intensity of the breathing while clenching the muscles for longer until you feel the heat or tingling in the area. Focus the mind on the sensation and clench the muscles to keep the sensation for longer|
When you have done a lot of the breathing exercises, you should have a better idea of where the muscles are and where you feel your orgasms.
Continue the breathing as before, but now try to keep the bulbospongiosus muscles tightened the whole time, but you might want to explore harder and faster breaths. The control of the muscles and breath is again very difficult to maintain over time, but as you build up strength it becomes easier. Perform this exercise for periods of 1 to 2 minutes, then rest. Combine it with the breathing in Setp 2 above. Play around with longer periods, but practice as much as possible.
You might notice that the bulbospongiosus muscles start to feel warm, tingling or buzzing. It could be compared to how your muscles feel after the gym. It may feel like the same heat you get in your genitals just before you orgasm. Celebrate, because you have just successfully generated orgasmic sexual sensations in your pelvis! You do not even need to be aroused to do this. Amazing! The more your mind is focused on the sensation, the better relationship you will develop with your orgasm.
You may however notice that the heat can disappear quite quickly. This is normal. Our bodies are not used to keeping orgasmic sensations in the pelvic area and it usually “seeps out”. Keep practising and you will notice how the heat or tingling remains there for longer. Tightening your PC muscles also helps to keep the sensation for longer. Over time it should also become easier to bring the sensation back quicker. Imagine the orgasm collecting in your pelvic area and growing. The key is to engage your mind by focusing on the sensations.
Being able to generate orgasmic sensation without it seeping out is how we become multi-orgasmic. If we let the sensation seep out, then we cannot orgasm again. Notice how the sensation is similar to the feeling you get when you stimulate your genitals. Relying on stimulation of the genital area is our body’s way of enabling orgasm during development when our minds were too busy thinking about other things.
Over time your orgasm could last for as long as you want as you keep generating orgasmic sensations, but using bits of it to orgasm. You may also notice how the intensity of your orgasms increase. For people with penises, being proficient at pulling orgasmic sensation away from the penis helps to separate orgasm from ejaculation.
The path to Psycholagny
Psycholagny is the ability to orgasm through thought alone. Imagine being able to orgasm at will anytime, anywhere? It’s difficult, but possible. Here’s some guidance.
Psycholagny also includes orgasm control through association by repeating a certain sound or act during orgasm until they occur together automatically. Some only use fantasy, others use sounds or music and even hypnotism. These are however still indirect disembodied routes because they bypass our conscious mind, whereas we seek the direct route to orgasm. We wish to connect our mind to our orgasm. Yes, the same brain you use to think, that’s the same part that you will use orgasm.
Step 4: Master: Orgasming using your mind
|Exercise: Pull the orgasmic sensation up your spine using various techniques including your focus. Keep moving the sensations with your mind until you feel orgasmic!|
The next step is to pull the orgasmic sexual sensations up your spine. This comes through the opening in the sacrum where the pudendal and pelvic nerves join the pelvic area and the spinal cord. You might feel some pressure or heat there too and we often get a sort of empty feeling there after an orgasm. Once you feel the heat, tighten your PC muscles to avoid the sensation dropping out. Keep breathing to keep generating new orgasmic sensations.
There are now various ways to pull the sensation up the spine. The easiest is by moving the hips forward, stomach back, chest forward and chin back to straighten the spine. Then move again forming waves upwards. Movement in the sacrum and neck are the most important. Try to combine the straight spine with the out breath and relax on the in breath with spine returning to its normal position. It is like a cat-cow in yoga. These techniques work, but they are actually useless if our mind’s focus is elsewhere.
There are other techniques that pull the sensations up the spine, but I find many of them are not localised enough in order to orgasm strongly.
I have found that the best way is a version of spinal breathing taught in Kriya yoga and involves the focus of the mind. Continue with the breathing as in Step 3, but now focus on your spine, not the pelvic area. Keep the PC muscles clenched throughout to avoid the sensation seeping out. Start at the back and the bottom of the spine and look for places you might feel tingling. In general, the tingling converges at the plexus (chakra) points on the spine where groups of nerves connect with the spinal cord. These plexuses can feel very non-specific covering a wide area. Find the specific area on your spine where it buzzes or tingles the most.
On the breath in, imagine the sensation (tingling, heat or pressure) flowing towards the area of the spine you are focusing.
On the breath out, imagine the sensation becoming stronger in the same place as you breathe out.
As you focus on the spine, you might notice how the heat or tingling in the pelvic muscles decreases. This is a good sign. It means you’ve pulled the sensation up your spine with the focus of your mind. Now move up the spine to the next plexus and repeat. It helps to initially use your imagination here, say as light, water or electricity, but eventually you want to focus on the real sensation, not an image made in fantasy.
There are areas in the spine where the sensation accumulates and after some time it simply explodes. It is difficult to explain the last step of just “doing” it, but hopefully you’ll notice the intensity. The explosion of sensation is what we call an orgasm and is often combined with some shaking. Those who have experienced this call it a full body orgasm, but there are clearly many places, types and intensities of orgasms.
For full body orgasms, a good place to focus is the area on the spine behind the heart. This area is connected to many others, such as your chest and arms and the orgasm will spread there by itself. We also experience this through ASMR (aka Goosebumps) which start at the back of our spine and works its way to the arms, cheeks, chest, shoulders and legs. It’s the same pathway we are using, just a different type of sensation.
In the end you will pull it up to the back of your head at the top of your spine, then through to your third eye and then down the front back to your genitals (called the micro-cosmic orbit).
Warning: Many books will tell you to pull it to the top of your head or crown, but I would advise against doing so as the sensation tends to get stuck there, creates pressure and can cause insomnia and mental problems. One needs to be proficient at pulling the sensation down the front of the head before you push it in (The techniques are well documented in the book “The Multi-orgasmic Man” by Mantak Chia).
Keep practising. Keep breathing, but most importantly keep noticing what you feel. Simulate the movements of an orgasm and see how it feels. Try moving and making sounds, but also try it in stillness. The orgasm is there, it just needs to be set free. You set it free by focusing on your body and allowing it to happen.
In the beginning they may not feel like orgasms because they are weaker and just sort of tingly. They are not intense enough to be called orgasms. This is because you are either not generating enough sensation or it is seeping out. Do not worry, just keep practising and you will start having orgasms in places and intensity you never knew possible.
Over time you will notice its actually your focus that drives the sensation and orgasm, not the muscles or breathing. Eventually you do not need the muscles or breathing and could orgasm when you want. You could choose to have as many orgasms as you want and for as long as you want during sexual interactions. Stimulating the genitals while moving the orgasmic sensation can be overwhelming, but having orgasms become a lot easier. I find doing a bit of the exercises before sex makes full body orgasms a lot easier and intensifies the whole experience.
I hope this article helps you and is really just the beginning. It is possible to have many types of orgasms in many different parts of the body.
Everyone is however different and it is usually better to adapt your exercises to your needs. To book bespoke orgasmic coaching sessions, please go to my bookings page and make an appointment.